??tp-e?="re?h" content="?rl=http://sn?tumor.bl?ot.com/2007_05_0???ml" /> ?���ky T?���: May 2007 ??ype=??s" media="screen"> h1 ?der-?om:dotte?x #000000;margin?0px;} ?margin-botto?x;} h2#archives { padding-top:??gin-top:??der-top:?ed 1px #9999? h?addi?op:30px;color:#555555;padding-bottom??gin-?om:0? body {font-fa?:Georgia?if;font-size:1em?gin:?adding:0px;background:#ffffff;color:#000000;} div.blog? {padding-left:5dding-right:10%;} div.byli?color:#555555;} p#bloggerB?padding-top:?;} .blogCommen?padding-top:?;color:#5555?adding-botto?x;margin?tom:0px;?-weight:bold} .blogCom?s .byline {font-size:1em;font-we??mal;color:#555555;margin-right:10px;?lay:inline} .blogComme???m;margin:3%;color:#000000;fo?eight:normal} .d?ed-comme???le:italic;color:?;} #blogfeeds { } ?ostf?? .paging-control-contain? f?: right; margin: 0px 6px 0px 0px; fo?ize: 80%; } .unneeded-paging-control { ?ibil hidden; } ?yle> (f?ion() { var a=wi?;function c(?his.?;this.tick=f?ion(d,i,e){e=e?e:(new Date).getTime();th?[d]=[e,i?his.tick?art",null,b)? f=new c;a.jstiming={Timer:c,loa??? g=null;if(a?ome&&a.chrom?i)g=Math.floor(a?ome.csi().pageT);if(ull)if(a.gtbExternal)g=a.gtbExternal.pageT();if(g==null)if(a?ernal)g=?tern?ageT;if(g)a.jstiming.pt=g}catch(??ickAboveFold=function(b){b=b? d=0;if(b.of?Pare?do d+=b.?etTop;while(b=b.?etPa?)}b=d;b<=750&&a.jstiming.load.tick("aft"?ar j=false;f?ion ?if(!j){j?e;a.jstiming.load.tick("??ollTime")}}a.addEven?tener?a.addE???("scroll",k,?e):a?achE?("onscroll",k); })();

Snark?mor

Mo?, May 21, 2007

 

Boneyard draft

??le="clear:both;">
The graveyard? silent as a?es, ??d. The moon was high, shedding its cold light on the tombstones. The ground was quie??ing. The only sound was the ?pering of Be? footste???he brush? />
At ?t one would rise ton?. She kn?hat. The silver stake was in? han???o severe?hat the ?ow e?eemed to vanish into midof its o??ion.

Be? of the unde?ld, come?pan> she tho??pan style="font-style: italic;">Rise again, and ?e the cold metal of ?eapon, and be banished back ?he hell-plac??hence you were birthed.

She noticed a splid blowing past her eye in the gentle moo? breeze.? lon?ousled blond hai?mbled down and over her ??s. Caref? maintained, sheeny, silky, perfect--except for ? goddamn fucking split end. Her brea??hed out in a sigh of?stration. She reache? and grabbed the?ward fiber, ?osing an eye in the process, pointed the stake d?? in her right hand, and took hold of the hair.

Why??an> she wondered?pan style="font-style: italic;">Why ? I be visited wi?he horrors of ultimate, ?omless evil on a daily b?? Di?hou freakish beast! A?sed the point on the sta?o slice it off.
B?se of this digressio?he narrowly ???ing on a??st of earth ? breathed in and?, finally di?ging a hand ? groped for her ankle. She gasped an?umbled away before collecting herself in a feral stance, silver stak? the ready. She watched ???ural thi?ushe?self? of its muddy womb a?tood before her, ful?evealed in all o?s undead glory.
She could sme?he blood, beginning ?ulse?ide the animal. She looked longi? at its neck?dden?ememberi?hat it'd been a fullk since she'd eaten.? dead blood was leth?o va?es--the anim?riter Rice had gotten that much ?ect.

The newl?isen human h?? brown hair,?? growing longer. It was once female, she??ee, ?he g?ous wounds it ha??ed i?s short dayl? life began to heal ????rall?ick ??ffolds of flesh ? the?ing spaces. Breasts began to reappear, fallopian tubes and ovari??ted--and?e covere?er b?scle, blood ?els, and skin.

A soun?caped the corpse's mouth, a sigh???hed into the?ly-forming l?? />
The heart appeared with??ibcage. Before long, it began to pum? blood began to ? and???ached themse? to the ?. Beck grew even hungrier. S?ould?e to??he d??t to the cem?y after ? one? />
The thi?as now depen? on blood to?vive. She rammed the stake into the still-visible heart, and it shuddered and gasped?mbled and finally co?sed into a heap of decomposed bo??, which began to dec?ntil?ile ?early-white bones collected ?he moonl???hose beg?o melt into a malignantly od??ddle that rapidl?ied and ??hing? stains ??erda? moist g?? />
As Beck walked ? from the di?bed ???efle on the world of vampires she had been born into???e cows, ? only for their ability to feed several ?ire youn? once. As va?es aged, they needed?s and less blood to ?ive, and frequently ?e to?tain fro?man blood in preparation? eventua?tinction of the species.

But long-dea???e beginning ?ise again. All over the worl?ampires were beginni?o re??? incidents of being attacked by ?rrected humans--?e bitten?t their fangs, developed an ?sion to norm?ampire food, and started goi?o the beach duri?he day. The attacks were becomin?idemand the ?ed States govern? had begun consc?ing citi?? nig? graveyard duty.

??ere ?ied. Someone had to ??hing.

6:35 AM 0 Comm??an> ?an c??em-c?ol blog-admin pid-1556466247">

Sunday,? 20, 2007

?p;

M?m visit

? class="blog?"> ? fie?rip was among the mo?opular among the??s of?chwood High School. The Museum of American History had expanded its offerings several years ago, and had sin?hen become one of the mo??ed destinations in Washington, D.C.
The c?hono?hrong of jun??dying American history gushed through the so? halls, forming endlesslowin??aries of sma? groups who ?ped here and the?o comment on???? on the walls.

On?ch g??sed at a?ter adve?ing a motion picture? />
"Oh my God, so cheesy!" That was the le?. I sighed i?dly. Thi?oup ?eenage g? seemed to be most at risk for being??ing,uting off smart-alecky comments during my tour. I hated ???hey seem?o de?e the significance of th?a.

? to ?roactive?pan>?hought. "Okay, kids," I said. "Over here?, and ki??? as soon as ?ible and?? we can get through the talky paore quickly,??"

Le? rolled her ?. I imme?ely dubbed her Bitch and switched on the prod. It was a good feeling, knowing that I'd be ready.

The ?p of kids co?ced in a?gh circl?ound me ?he entrance ?he Hall of American Memory. ?ept my hand behind m? the?ry columns, which we??ered?h re?hite, and bl???? />
"Can anyone tell me what those colors mean?? />
"Bad ?e?" she said, smirking. Her coterie of compatrio?ittered uselessltrike one. I?t th?od hidden behind my back?t of sight.
I nodded. "Way to?h the berry out ?he hole.?t time, try to be a ?le more ?er." She looked ??ed, and ?uare? shoulders a?ent on, ???amples o?ide in a?nding ignorance asid?hose colors ???rese?he American flagten ?? 'th?ars and Stripes,?he Star-Spangled Banner,? 'Old Glory.' Since its inceptio?he flag has used those c?s, although in diffe??terns, depending on the era and number o???olved. Originally, it wa?st a? of red and ??ripes with a small blue field that contained a ce of thirteen white ?s."
"Bo?pan>ring," I hea?omeo??er. Stri?wo. ?er h? thi? before the ?? startled.

"Moving on." I led them in?he hall ?er, ?ring that th??emained hidden, movi?uick?ast the ?? on the ?ican??ion, the?il War, the ?strial Revolution, and most ???ieth cen?, with only perf?ory references. ? should have?ered this in their G???ations c?e an?, and if?--that certa??? my problem,? it?

Now the ?ion ??ays garnered the gre?t interest--Late?h/Early ?. Now, at last, several hand?p. I nodded ?he most likely candidate, a ?p-looking boy with black hair and intriguing eyes.

"Miss," he sai?hocking me at the polite? of his form of ?ess.? it true that most historians consid??ise ?he Unite?? in the global hiera? to be completely incomm??h the rise o?evio???l civilizations?? />
I caugh? breath. They weren'?pan style="font-style: italic;">all i?s. Bitch looked disgusted, but kept a lid on the?itude, c?ing ?ead to f? on the MTV ?ama. I began to ?? the?sibi? that I might actually not have ???rod ? tim?t. "The ??o that one is a ?lex one, my friend."?e, I?sed,?ure how precisely to?ase it. "The short answe??. Th?articular civilizati?ose to absolute power in a mind-boggling?? span of time--only two ?uries. Most other so?ies ? reached the?el of the Americans took at leastAgain?aused. It was ti?o get in?ome really ancient history. ???ou are aware of the Romans, young sir?" At his nod--agai?ome shock--I con?ed, "In a wa??aral??ween the Roman and Acan civilization?e why the short ?er i???ly a?ate.? see, bo?ere founded upon the??rinciple of a republic, a re?entative?tem ? enabled the people ?articipate in th??s of?ernance." I could see some eyes ??er. Time to shift some g?? />
"Of?rse, a f?eople thought th?d and basically took over. This ?ened around the same time both civil?? beg?o re???o seeing people suffer for e?tain?. For the Ro??? the gla?or g?; for the Americans, it was reality television--you can find?e information on thi?? of ?ican culture??ound the?ner ?????sonal favorite i?pan style="font-style: italic;">???an>.?way,?er became concen?ed in the hands of a?, while the ??ere ???ith thei?n decade??its, and soc? in general became even wealthier and mo??ful. There are many who think th?his single facto? what un??h civilizations ?? sim?-and? the?se of their fall in the end.? />
Ano? han?his one from?? blonde girl. "Miss,?hought both empires fell because of barbarian invaders?" Ano? thi?. Ch?. I was beginning to?e th??ould pro?o be?? unn??? />
"They only fell because they we?eakened from the?out and ??ld not muste? what was needed to ?e ba??rimitives. I?nal deca???e damaging in the lo??han external??," I said shortly. "? is why our youn?? sub???eat hard? and privati?ntil?e emotional ?? comes. You ? tha???perienced th??elf." Th?oup ?? nodded ?ly.
"My mother was beaten and?ed by peacekeepers," one? volunteered? />
I nodded. "See? An excellen?ample of? the proper development of appre?ion for one's blessings can lead to ???iven life. You are a?he cream of the ?, se?ed for further education and usefulness ?ociety."?h in the?e of?ch, ?eemed to lead to skankiness. Some people??st born to a sense of entitlemen?hich the?dship on?eemed to aggravate. ??? the?ere ?le like me.
"Feel free to sca?," I said. "Have a look ?nd and e?ience the wo?s of the???y-first ?ury. An age ?reme?chnological innovation, to b?re, but neverthe??eriod of maj?egression in social phil?hy. Chec?t th?hibit on the???y--it's fasc?ing and funn? the same time."

I heard a scoff, and the??s inside beg?o uncoil. Bitch.?urne?ound? />
"Yes?" I said.
"? shi? cheesy as hell," she whined. "W?he fuck am I?ting a day here? It sucks. This plac?cks." She paused, and looked at me dead ?he eye. "So ?ou. Cheap ha?t!" Clearly she ?ght she could in??one she liked. This made?ike three.

I ?ght the prod???cing? humming slightly. The air began to smell of ozone. Her ? widened in shoc???ed it do?o th?nction of her neck and left ??, to?ickly for her to bac?ay.
She fell ?he f? immedia?, of?rse, con?ing and shuddering. ?s of lon?perience enabled me to m?ain ?? pre?e wi??rod. The smell o?rned flesh began to suffuse the air, and as she shrieked and waowed ?he f?, he?es openi?ide and ?ting?o lo?unnels of oozing jelly, the ? of her ???ook off for the ?ance of the museum and a?ent safe?ith their in??-chaperones.

I held it to? skin long enough for he??rst into flames, whi?ere optimize? their heat and the atmosphere inside th?ildi???uickly a?horoughly, leaving only scant remains to be metabolized ?he engineered-living?pet.??nglings realized that the Hardsh?rocess actually ?inued after thei?aduation, al?gh it was more of a winnowin??s than anything ?icul??mative--for the failed, at l?. Her classm???emember ? and lea??alue of ?ect and humi?? />
Before a minute? up, the?as nothing but a? left. The air c?lato??o work, ?ying the? of burned Bitch and echoing the subsidence ?he darkninside.

 

?as once ?eehouse

? class="blog?"> ??ion:?p://www.albinobl??.com/audio/llama

--------

A piebald llama ambl?ast, chewing? cud and blinkin?s ugly eyes.?ond ?as another llama, this one grey,?h an overgrown coat and ?ecul?e look o?s fl??zle,?sibly considering homicide o?s next e?ation.

I scanned the field. Llama??here? thi??re, I had lo?ince?t all sense ??standing of ?easons behind becoming a llama farmer. All I knew was that I??ed of th??mell?he c?ant ???hick???tyle="fo?tyle?alic???pan> of cud striking my back in ? sensiti?pot ? left of center.

A little llama fell to its k? a little way off. I brightened up immediately, hoping it had eaten something fatal. A black?zy llama??s wa? to it, ?ing cud and briefly reflecti??ame homicidal light ?hose dea?bs I had see?st a? mom? ago?? qui? joined by a?chy-?ed llama who seemed not ?e right. It ?? footing and fel?er briefly, ???sing?ery ?p rock--one of many I had plante?ound the field, ? in case. No luck there.

The curious onlo?s were becoming a throng, wi?wo more llamas joini?p. H?er, ?asn't until the duck waddled up ? I finally felt something vital give??ide my mind.

The ??, I came back to?elf.??itting a? table, which was laden with plates othe?ems, whi?ere of an odd va?y. Ten of the pl? contained meat ?ome kind, which I rapidly determined to be nine ?es of llama and one of duck. Accompanying those were plates of c?ecak??oes, and?hrooms, ?een which were a brick and a tablet--presumably inedible? /><>This was nothing new for me. A long time ago, a?????er I died, I had spe?ome time as ?eehouse, general?orking childcare jobs. I had?ays been fond of hei?, and had often spent ti?eading in the shade of a goo?ee, ?his seemed like a good angle? me ?ork.

?y ni?ent home to my cake, whi?as large, roomy, and provided ample ?enance for a?ng, ?ing tree?e who often was exhauste? the end of a long d?? chasing?er children and ?ring the??y. It was white with pin?im, thre?ories, and had a?cellent ? of the ?by llama??hich I had a??d of owning once? />
This idyllic ti??oon come to an end. One morning,?oke up, and two police officers were at the ? of my cake, waiting? me to emerge. T?ickl?eet scent of ora? wafted through the air.

'Good Lord,'?aid. 'Wh??pened?'
The largeliceman, who? heavyset an?inkly, looke? a n?ad in his hand. 'Mr.?se?'

??'

'You, uh,' and he shifted his weight here, adjusted his belt. ? ever ta?ith ? neighbors, Mr. ?e?'
'The orange a??ake??, of?rse-?y ni?eople. Why?'

??ed h?t again and look?lightly unco?table. 'Did you ??thin?h, out of th?dinary last night, Mr. House?'

'No,' I said. ? the?'d be unlikely. I wo?ery hard and sle?ery soundly,? see, and the cake i?ite a go?ound??or. All ??ter.? />
He nodded. 'And wha? it you Mr. ?e?'
H??his rele?? I wondered to myself. But, alas, he was an off? of the law. 'I work in chil?e and landscaping mo?. I'm a full-tim?eehouse.? />
'I see.' He?ted loudly, shifted his weight once again, and looke?en more unco?table. 'Mr. ??ere you ?e of??sibl?oblems betwe?our neig?s?'
Problems? 'No, not that I know of,' I said. '???ite frie? people, and I g?he impression th?ere friends.??'

'Ah,' said the off?. 'I'm afraid th?ange slew the rake last night. Some ? of point they disagreed upon. There?te a?ffle. You don't ??? of ??ld have ?ened?'

'Good God,' I said. 'No, nothing. I'm ?y I coul? help you.'
L? that day, I? so absentminded that I ?ly let one o? cha??s the earth beneath ?latform, and ste??ned him to mind the safe?ail. By the end ?he dI had ma?? mind.

Ra? than return to my cake,?rudg?p the hi?o the llama farm, where I immediately sa?o ll?, one of whom wa?bbin??zzle aga? a myste?s part of th?her's anatomy. Rather th??late, I found the fa?, an?t of?iosity asked him? llamas were so prone to this.

He?ugged. 'Prob??tes like llama. ? lik?.' A pair of llamas and ???ered????enti?uddenly ?? the dec?ated?pse of a llama lying nearby, from which ?her ? of llam?ere feeding. The?ror ?his scene rapidly di?ated as a late-model?d Anglia rumbled?t, a soon-to-be-? homicidal muzzle leanin?t of the driver's si?indow.

'My God,' I said. 'That llama'?iving a car!? />
He ?. 'Best not to alarm him, then. Can I he?ou?' In the back?nd, a llama ate ?ck.
'?his how ? told now?' ?ked. 'How ol? this place?? />


I knew I needed ??e. Just spend a life of ?ure, traveling around. As I ?ght ??s fe?pon one ??lates on the table, which contained the ?cerated and bare skeleton of a duck.

What a great idea, I thought. Free and ea?rave?pan>? />

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